by Timothy Baril
This is why I need you.
Every day I try to be the best person I can be. The reason I do that, is you.
I want to help you become the happiest, most successful person you can be. So I share my knowledge, look for ways to make you smile and laugh, and appreciate the many wonderful things about you, all the time.
Every day I work to become stronger, tougher, and wiser than before. So I can become better for you. So I can make the world a better place for you.
But I’m human and being all that, every day, can be a challenge. Because life isn’t easy. It wears at us. Sometimes it gets mean and beats us down and kicks dirt in our face. It gets hard to stand up and be ourselves. Sometimes, we just get tired.
I’m just like you. I get lonely. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I have bad days and stressful days. Sick days and ugly days. There are times when I feel like everyone hates me, and times when I hate myself.
Some days I look in the mirror and I see nothing but wrinkles, features that are too big, and eyes that are such a boring colour. And I wonder where all this fat came from.
There are evenings I’ll sit by the phone and watch it refuse to ring all night long. And I wonder why no one wants me around.
There are days when I’ll look at my work, my chores, my art, my life and I’ll feel like a total failure. I won’t feel good enough.
And I’ll feel that way even though some part of me knows none of it is true. Six days out of seven maybe I do have faith in myself but on this day that faith is gone and self doubt gnaws on my heart until it’s only chewed ruins, bleeding hope.
That’s why I need you.
I don’t mean need like a baby needs a parent, I’m not dependent on you. I can stand on my own. But I do need you like a teammate, a partner, because I’m interdependent with you. Alone I can survive even the worst of things. But life can be so much better than just scraping by. If you have someone to share it with.
I need your smile to help raise my own. I need your laughter to give me something to cheer about. I need your enthusiasm and your energy to brighten my spirits. I need your compliments to bolster my self esteem, your caring words to heal my wounds. I need your beauty to make me excited about the world.
I need you to ask about my day, to ask about my feelings, the way I ask about yours. I need you to want to spend time with me, the way I want to spend time with you. I need you to just call me for no reason and be silly with me and invite me to dinner and ask me to build something or make something or design something for you just because you know I can and it gives me a chance to prove myself to you, prove what I can do, prove who I am. Because when you do that, I don’t feel like a loser or a failure, I feel like a good person.
I believe in you. And I need you to believe in me, because it reminds me to believe in myself.
I like being needed by you. It gives my life purpose and meaning. I feel like I have value. I want you to know that for all the wonderful ways you choose to share our time, I value you too. You’re important to me.
Life is a whole lot better when you’re in it with me.
This is why I need you.